teach me the secret.

"For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

I know how to be brought low,

And I know how to abound.

In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

+ philippians 4:11-13

Some days, I don't see how this is possible. possible amidst stark transitions ushered in by life. possible amidst changing friendships and heart-burning farewells, miles separating. How is it a possible reality for me when life demands are at crossroads with heart desires. when past reminds of golden ebenezers, and future, of unscaled horizons. when the present suffocates at times. I just struggle to see it as possible.

But for Paul, this evasive contentment was a reality, a blessed actuality. But he doesn't claim to have conjured it up--how do you wrestle and subject your heart to satisfaction?

He admits he needed Jesus.

the Jesus who chose to leave the high places and enter the low. whose life was marked with the starkest of strokes. who left the place of joy, the dearest of all communions, to take on the world's brokenness, their depression, their restlessness, their separation, their ingratitude. the Jesus who really does know my tears. He was bitterly separated from His treasured Father--forever together, now utterly apart. He knows what loneliness feels like--will we call him friend?

Surely if this One promises strength, I ought not fear. He won't confine my heart to stale contentment, but will fill me full with pacifying joy.

Teach me the secret.

when time has no mercy

Some people long for a new year to bring a fresh start, to hit the reset button and try this things called life over again. Some struggle with grief of guilt and limp into the new year with back bent over with burdens. Some once more unapologetically borrow last year's untouched goals and yet-to-reach resolutions and hope for better luck this time around.

But this year I'm finding myself in this unnamed category. A category of people finding themselves drowning in sentimentality, unable to forget the fullness of this year. The smells, the sounds, the sights still so fresh they couldn't possibly be drifting every second farther into history. People in this category find it almost a bitter farewell to change this 3 to a 4, as if all these moments that are held so close are in a way still in the present until the clock strikes midnights and the number 2-0-1-4 reminds that all those memories really are in the distant past.

"forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize."
+ Philippians 3:13-14

But just as there is hope for the self-help individual, the guilt-laden, and the apathetic, I know there is hope for people of my type. There's a way too look up, to move forward. There's a constant to compensate for changing tides. There's something better guaranteed for our future.

I have hope because there's a God bound by no years or numbers. He's a constant. He is good. He fills hearts to satisfaction as well this next year as in ages past. He promises that better things are ahead. And He always delivers on His promises. He gives me confidence to face tomorrow.

So those of us who trudge on with regret that the best is behind, we're fools. We're unbelievers. We don't understand the good God has promised. Our best life isn't now. We have aimed low, because the best is to come.

"And I will lead the blind
in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have not known
I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I do not forsake them."
+ Isaiah 42:16 

May He, this year, raise my sights, deepen my trust, go with me where He leads, enlarge my heart, use each breath, and claim all glory.

of cousins and laughter and swings

Two of the most darling girls dropped by for a short visit yesterday! These cousins of mine love walks and parks, so a short jaunt to the playground it was. Olive goes a million miles per hour and will talk your ear off, while Penny can always be found right at her heel, doing her best to keep up and copy and outdo the big sister. They make quite the duo!

the most puzzling paradox

perhaps the greatest mystery, most puzzling paradox.

God in flesh stoops to knees. He fills wash basin and cups dirt-caked heels in hands. the feet of his traitors, his forsakers, his friends. He rinses and scrubs. their dirt He takes on.

God in flesh falls to knees. His body, He breaks--blood, spills. cups sin-stained hearts in pierced-through hands. rinses and scrubs hearts of traitors, forsakers, enemies, rivals, and dearly-loved children. their sin He takes on.

and He tells me to follow.

"you, the servant, think you're something else. you, like all of your race, long to be served. but you're not above me, your master. so if I kneel, if I serve, if I wash, if I stoop, if I break, if I enter the mess--so do you."

and this is my life purpose in simple terms of bruised knees and wrinkled hands and big heart that follow the way of Jesus.

and as I pour out, and lap up the water, making messes but refreshing souls, Jesus promises to tend to me. He'll still pour water, like grace, over my weary soul and trail-worn feet.

"There is always enough God. He has no end. He calls us to serve, and it is Him whom we serve, but He, very God, kneels down to serve us as we serve. The servant-hearted never serve alone.
"Spend the whole of your one wild and beautiful life investing in many lives, and God simply will not be outdone. God extravagantly pays back everything we give away and exactly in the currency that is not of this world but the one we yearn for: joy in Him."
- Ann Voskamp

When Jesus commissions us--"wash each other's feet. serve each other as I serve you."--He puts our service in the context of the gospel. just as He stopped low and entered humanity and washed feet and died underserving, we stoop low, serve the ungrateful and underserving, give grace free and full. and those actions become the gospel script, the echoes and reverberations of God's grace to a dying and broken world.

Jesus doesn't call for more manners, for more polite gestures. He breaks the social barriers, goes against the tide of cultural coldness and lack of compassion, and calls us to lowliness, in convenience, and self-crucifixion.

Love is the laying down of LIFE.

the simplest complexity

What is love, you ask?

Love is the laying down.

the laying down of rights, the laying down of pride and the "better than" attitude. it is the laying down of ownership and possession, the laying down of personal space and entitlement.

Love is the laying down of life.

and doesn't this simple definition clarify it all?

it is the way in which God has demonstrated his love for us.
it is the way in which we respond to that and demonstrate our love for Him--the giving up our lives.
it is also the way in which we then express life-pouring-out love to others.
to give of entitlement, to give of resources. to lay down your rights and preferences. to lay down your life.

peachicks | family ventures

as a result of having a 10-year-old fascinated with bird watching and a mom who grew up on a farm and dreamed of raising chickens with her kids, we found ourselves with nine chickens growing fast in the garage and four little peachicks hatching in the basement.

pepper, penny, pippin, and peaches were their names.

and now a week old, they take off to a new family.

adventuring savannah + charleston

 

it's been a long time dream of mine to visit the great cities of savannah, georgia, and charleston, south carolina. and this week it finally happened, however short the stops may have been. here is a brief photo journaling of my friend's and my adventure in these grand places. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

life update

Crazy to already be half way through the year, but 2013 has proven to be an incredibly stretching and joy-filled year for me. I’ve kept busy traveling to many new places with TeenPact Leadership School, teaching a hands-on government class to students, with the goal of raising up young Christian leaders who impact their communities and their world for Jesus. As I wrap up this internship and look ahead to what God has next for me, I see a trend in where He’s leading me and what He’s asking of me. The theme is the gospel, the ministry is to young people needing Jesus, and the place is new and outside my context.

This summer, I’m joining a team headed to the Czech Republic to put on a week-long English camp, through the organization Josiah Venture. Josiah Venture uses these camps as a tool to bring the gospel to their young people, many of whom have never heard about Jesus.

Czech is one of the most atheistic countries in the world, as much of Christianity in Czech was suppressed during the largely communistic rule during the 1900′s. Consequently, most Czechs are extremely skeptical of religion and deny that there is any sort of God at all, and less than 0.33% of the country professes Christianity.

Yet a new generation is rising—young men and women who have lived free from the Communist regime, and who are growing into strong and open-minded leaders. Josiah Venture seeks to invest into the lives of these individuals, and to see “a movement of God among the youth of Central and Eastern Europe that finds its home in the local church and transforms society.”

So, July 8-24, my team and I will:
- Teach English to students who are learning it as a second language.
- Build relationships with dozens of Czech students who may have never heard of Jesus.
- Engage with their families and communities by living in Czech homes for a couple days.
- Connect those students with their local churches after camp is over to help set them up for lasting discipleship.

This is a job description so far beyond my qualifications and outside my context, but God promises to go with us and so I’m banking on many prayers and much faith this trip. As my team and I prepare to go, would you be willing to support us by praying with us? We would greatly appreciate prayer for:
- Health, safety, and team unity
- That God would use this time to help provide direction for my next steps
- For strong and fruitful relationships with my team, the Czech students, and the churches we’ll be     working with
- That God would reveal Himself in this spiritually dark nation, and that many will receive Him
- For our English Camp, that God would use it to bear much fruit, both this summer and into the future

The cost of this trip is roughly $2400 per team member, much of which I still need to raise—so your support, no matter the quantity, will make a difference! If you would like to partner with me in this ministry, you can make a tax-deductible donation online at https://bethanyefree.ccbchurch.com/app/trx_submit_bp.php?type=public_gift.

Thank you so much for your continual encouragement and influence in my life. I’m very excited to watch God work through this trip and am thrilled to get to partner with other people (like you!) for His Kingdom work.

and God knew.

for four hundred years, the Israelites groaned under the rod of their oppressors. their stomachs growled, their children cried, their souls pleaded for rescue from the God who had promised prosperity many long, bitter years ago. they didn't see this God and they didn't feel him.

but we read a different reality in exodus 2.

"their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. and God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel--and God knew."

God heard. he remembered. he saw. and he knew. and he acts. his presence is immanent. his timing is perfect.

feelings and circumstances rarely reflect reality and truth. so when you walk unknown paths and stumble in blindness, when life slows and feels like a series of groans and cries, when deep desires and prayers seem ungranted, when you can't see God and you can't feel him--God hears. God remembers. God sees. God knows.

since pictures are worth more

The moments, memories, and miracles that have taken place in the past month or two since the last post are so many more than can be typed up at this point in time. So to summarize, God has been undeniably good to me. I have been pulled and stretched in ways I couldn't have predicted and have laughed harder than ever before. So here are some pictures from my staff teams in Arkansas, Missouri, Maine, and North Carolina--life is so full of joy because of these gifts from God. Two more classes to go!

"our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. for our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name." 
psalm 33:20-21

a forever movement

one class in and I'm already feeling the first wave of sentimentality regarding this era of my life. and it really is incredible, this season that I'm in. and it really does fly. and I wonder how I'll handle moving on come summer. and I wonder what I'll do next, where I'll go. but as I see my fingers wrapping tight, grasp closing on this good gift, I remember four simple words:

'seek first the Kingdom.'

how blatantly I disregard this or distort its imperative truth. I want to seek first teenpact where I've been changed, where I've met some of my favorite people, where I've had the most memorable experiences. but teenpact is not an end but a means. if it furthers the kingdom that God is growing in this world or better equips me to take part in that work in the future, then it is of actual consequence. but if it does a million good things but this, I must run! I must not waste time on efforts that are not Kingdom efforts.

this changes how I view the looming end of teenpact. if I'm in it for the Kingdom's sake (which is a forever movement), then I can stand to part with a temporary season or tool that God used.

this is why this season, I want to stand on Jesus as my rock. I want to worship the change that Jesus does in hearts, not teenpact. I want to preach the eternal government, not primarily the state's. I want to be in the business of making disciples, not politicians.

with this as my eternal anchor and driving purpose, the passing of time and seasons cannot shake me.

morning light

Some mornings even a breath is enough to marvel. It's enough that the sun is streaming in the window and dishes are clinking breakfast below, and for the past hours of unconsciousness my body knew to keep on its cycle. And I wake to this view of all the other miracle-made humans that God interjected my life with to shape who I am. God has been undeniably good to me.

And all of a sudden, a new day is a thing of beauty. a thing to live fully and soak in deeply. Because He who didn't spare His own Son in His insistent love for us has also given us mornings, fresh and unmarked. He's given us the most basic and profound blessings, and then some. No, and then immeasurably more. Spend today counting.

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."

Psalm 90:14

“To live at all is miracle enough.” 

Mervyn Peake

there and back again

The year 2013 has been filled to the brim with travels, memories, friends, and life lessons. Last spring I accepted a traveling internship with TeenPact Leadership Schools, which is just now getting rolling. So for the past couple months, I've spent a week training and a couple weeks on the road teaching other young people to understand the political process, value their liberty, defend their Christian faith and engage the culture. In the process, I've camped out at the airport until 1am, waiting for my ride to fix their flat tire. I've consumed an inhumane amount of vitamin C. I've learned the art of Whirly Ball--a thrilling combination of bumper cars, lacrosse, and basketball. I've visited five states outside the hills of Oregon. I've painted freezing cold cinder block walls with my bare hands. I've come down with two different viruses. I've begun countless treasured relationships stretching nation-wide. And thus will be my life until June.

Hopefully 2013 will also bring more of me to you through this blog. Can't make any promises, but I have great ambitions to frequent this space a tad more and hope maybe you'll join me here.

And now for a peek into the adventures of the past couple months.

Texas. Oklahoma. New Mexico. Arizona.

Atlanta, Georgia.

peace on earth

Peace on earth—

A distant theme

When unrest billows round.

The world it aches,

Hearts they break,

And life itself is unsound.

Fresh from the womb

We’re longing, longing

Longing to belong,

But we strive for wind,

And earth of sin

Groans her mournful song.

There is no peace

In body aches

First breath, and death draws near

Each day we sigh

And learn to die,

The grave slowly stealing our years.

There is no peace

In wife against spouse

Nor stranger against a child

A lawsuit against brother,

A son against mother—

All relations have been exiled.

There is no peace

In deadly winds

Tearing at house and land,

In rising water,

Or raging fire—

Earth turned against man.

There is no peace

In world division,

When nation strikes another.

Piercing shrapnel,

Life-scarring battle,

Brother against a brother.

Could there be peace

On earth of grief

And in souls torn by curse?

Could there be peace

When questions asked

Return empty to the source?

Yes, peace came,

Came to earth,

God of peace as man.

And He’ll come again,

Reverse the trend,

And finish restoration began.

He comforts the broken,

Lays bare the masked,

To the ashamed gives worth,

Binds up the breaking,

Heals the aching,

Reversing the curse on earth.

He is our hope,

Hope for weary world,

Find Him and be refreshed.

He is our peace,

Peace come to earth,

Find Him and let your soul rest.

the most glorious time of the year